Holiday Season

This is Bree's first holiday season, well the first she was able to witness from outside the womb. And as a first time Mom who is really into holiday crafts and traditions and any excuse to get kids and families together to have some sort of "organized fun"I was really looking forward to celebrating the season.

I wanted to trick or treat again, carve goofy pumpkins, and see the excitement on little ones faces when they see the tree on Christmas morning. I am not sure if you have spotted the problem yet so if not you are like me and I am going to need to share my new found knowledge with you. Bree is still a baby. Meaning she has no idea that she was dressed up as a mouse for Halloween or that the Harvest party we took her too was worth staying up for. lol

The Christmas tree is just a thing conveniently holding red balls that are great for sucking. The presents under the tree are just handy steeping blocks for reaching said red balls.

Winter Wonderland down at the sunken gardens held no excitement for Bree. Turns out they don't let babies slide down the snow hill or play in the snow pile, or ride the train. And apparently said baby would rather be warm and snugly at home anyway.

So . . . I think I may need to wait a few years for the "magic" to return.

The Enforcer

When they placed Bree on my stomach right after she was born I looked at her and thought, "Wait, really? This is my baby. Are you sure?" After we brought her home I thought she was fantastic and so sweet but it wasn't till she started to grow up a bit and I could see her little soul, her personality, that I began to love her. And I am talking real love not I love chocolate and the beach and sleeping in. :) 

So naturally I want to make her happy because I love her and she is the most adorable, fun, silly thing that I have ever loved. I play with her, I wake up in the night to feed and comfort her, I wake up in the morning when she does, I cancel plans when she isn't feeling well, I give up my own wants to meet her needs. I sacrifice my silly desires to make her life wonderful and to make her feel safe and secure. 

That kind of caring is easy. Don't get me wrong it can be extremely draining but it is simple. Love baby by meeting baby's needs and you have one happy baby.  It is simple, usually very clear cut and pretty immidiatly rewarding.

Bree will be eight month old in a couple weeks and it seems that loving her is not so easy now. She is still the most wonderful little person, but now meeting her needs does not always make her happy. Not I meet resistance in my quest to takecare of those pesky needs.

She wants to explore. She wants cat food, toilets, dishes, power cords . . . . the list goes on. And I must tell her that these things are not for her and she does not like that.

She needs sleep and being the active little tyke she is, she is not interested in naps. So I must leave her in her crib and let her cry so that she can learn how to nap on her own. Loving her makes her temporarily (and sometimes for half an hour or more when she is fighting a nap) very unhappy.

In the long run loving her will make her a happy, alive child and these are serious incentives.

This kind of loving behavior has a down side: the pain it causes me to hear her cry, have her look at me with those tear filled eyes, and the panicky feeling I get thinking she won't love me anymore if I make her take one more nap are selfish reason not to take care of my girl the way she needs.

I can feel myself turning a corner here. I am becoming a real parent, a real mom. I am understanding tough love and thinking that it is probably called that because in the beginning (for the tender hearted selfish lovers like me) it is so tough to love that way! I want to be the one to make her smile I want to fill her life with toys and hugs and out door adventures. I don't want to be the enforcer of naps and safety rules and behavior modification. But if I indulged my selfish desires I would have a crazy, dirty, aggressive, mischievous, exhausted, cranky, little monster.

Time to toughen up my love. Time to get real. *sigh*

Thanks to those Mom's in my life who have gone before me and survived to share your wisdom and support. 

Bree Update

Last week marked Aubrey's seven month b-day and boy is she one crazy kid.

Let me list her new accomplishments:

She has two bottom teeth. 

And boy did she earn those little suckers. There were a few days when I thought a gremlin had come in the night and replaced my sweet little baby. 

She is eating real food

Food her mother prepares for her, which has been pretty easy so far especially with the help of our neighbor's food processor. Bree has been really good about eating everything I have given her except zucchini, her zucchini face was priceless. I think she would have emancipated herself right then and there if she had know what emancipation was. 

She is crawling like an old pro. 

It is so funny when she crawls from the living room to join me in the kitchen, she has this sad little cry that she makes the whole way until she can plop herself down at my feet, and the she is content. Sometimes she crawls up my leg like she is asking to be picked up. So I do and I hold her for a bit and then she has had enough and wants to go play once more. It is like she is saying, "Just checking in Mom."

She is pulling herself up and standing. 

She especially enjoys pulling Daddy's speakers off the entertainment center.

She is super active. 

I feel like any day now she is going to be a toddler asking me for things. It is said so much but I have to agree, It is flying by so fast.

I am so in love with her and I marvel at the fact that a whole person exists inside her little baby body. She got her first pair of jeans last week and when she wears them with her little baby shoes she is the cutest babe around.

Over extended

I am lying on my couch exhausted using my laptop to warm my lap. Fall has finally come and I am once again happy that my laptop puts of an amazing amount of heat, not so fun in the summer.

Aubrey and I are exhausted today. We had a super full day yesterday, spending the morning in SLO, the afternoon watching my favorite two year old, and the evening with our new friends. Everything we have been doing is fun, I am just beat. I guess I am no longer the energizer bunny. I use to be able to go go go. Granted that was before I had a little munchkin of my own who still wakes a few times in the night.

It looks like I am going to need to slow things down a bit. Having two of three social get togethers a day is taking its tole. When Bree was first born I was craving just one friend to talk to and hang out with and now the Lord has blessed me with too many. Every week I seem to meet another person who I think it would be fun to hang out with. I never thought I would have this problem! Like I said my early days as a stay at home mom were pretty bleak in the social area.

I am not sure what we are going to do. I have a weaken when it comes to making decisions about social stuff. I worry to much that I will make the wrong choice and miss out or have things go badly. I have regretting and going down the "should have" path. I'm getting better at leaving the cards where they lie but it is definitely an area that the Lord is hounding me in right now.

Wow my life is so terrible! lol I am glad I'm writing this out because truly this is a great problem to have. I just hate to miss a good time but I doubt an exhausted mom and babe will still find themselves welcomed if they don't find some time for rest and naps.

A New World

Nothing like a Presidental Race to get me blogging again.

I am not completely sure how I feel about the results of the election . . . . It is only slowly becoming real.

I do know that I feel hopeful: I cried when I listened to OBama's exceptance speech.

I feel like things in this country might change for the better.

I feel like I might want to actually fly an american flag.

I want to feel patriotic not just know I should be thankful for everything in my life that comes from being an American citizen.

Bree will grow up in a country that elected Barack OBama to lead them. That is pretty fantastican. The fact that is an African American is pretty awesome but I am more excited about what I see to be his reasonable, intelligent, thoughtful, and passionate character. I believe he can appoint people who will and can make changes in our government so that it is working for its citizens. I am feel optimistic about the future of our government and our society. I like the ideal Barack represents. I like that I can call him Barack and that I secretly wish he and his family could all come over for dinner.

I am excited about the future. Yay for America! *tear

Me and Bree

Also having this awesome companion mean I actually get pictures of Bree that have me in them! So she will know I was actually around!

And Taya makes three

I have decided that we need to restructure this whole child raising thing. Every new Mother should get to choose a young, female, who happens to be fantastic, great with kids, and in love with her particular child. Now this person will spend all day with this new mom, talking with her, helping hold the baby, cook dinner, and clean up dinner. And this in a nutshell is what I had for the last nine days and it was AMAZING.

Taya's visit was such a blessing. I had some one to walk to the park with me and hang out with me, some one to shop with me and help me find cool clothes and sunglasses, some one to share all of Bree's cute day time moments and big accomplishments with. And she had nothing to do but hang out with us. Other Mom's are fantastic, don't get me wrong, I mean hey, I'm an "other mom" too . . . I twas just great to have some one who was there to help me and spend time with me and Bree. It was one of the best weeks of my young Mom life.

Taya left this morning. Shaun took her to the train station and when I woke Bree and I were alone again. We went to the park, we played, and we strolled. And I think Bree missed Taya as much as I did.

Pool time

We had an amazing time at my friends pool! It is fantastic to have a big cold wet thing to dive into on a day like today, when it is 99 degrees out.

It was so nice to have a more fair ratio between children and adults. lol Also Bree is at a great age where if I throw a blanket or towel down just about any where I have created an instant play mat. It is great to finally have a baby who can entertain herself and wiggle around on her own. She even got to put on her big girl one piece suit. It is still a bit roomy, seeing as it in meant for a 6-12 month old, but she was rocking the cuteness non the less.

Guest

I have been MIA for a bit because my friend from Australia arrived by train (from LA not Australia) on Sunday afternoon. And she is pretty fabulous so she has kept me on my toes.

I was so excited to see her! I even fussed over what Bree was going to wear so she would look super cute for introductions and took the car to the car wash . . . so you know this is serious.

Shaun is entertaining Taya with the Wii at the moment so I have a chance to fill you in.

It started like this . . .

It was like those old romantic movies where the lovers have not seen one another for years. I was sitting on the bench all a twitter when the train pulled in (It was a sunny day so there was no rain or steam emerging from the train as it pulled in but you make due with what you have.) and there she was all blonde and smiles . . time melted away and it was three years age. We were young girls frolicking across the Canadian country side. (we met at University in Quebec) I had to keep myself in check though because the husband and baby were with me, sigh.

We have been making the most of our sweet time together even since.

It has been so wonderful to have a mate to spend my days with. We have gone down to the park and laid out a blanket where Bree can practice crawling and squirming around and we can escape the heat under a tree and just gab. We walked to get smoothies and to enjoy the feel of the sun on our backs. We have spent our nights playing tennis (real tennis, like outside), going for ice cream, and having game nights. Our morning in SLO shopping was fantastic. (Shaun is keen to go shopping with me if I ask but it is just not the same as going with a girl who is actually having fun.) lol

All in all our days have been sublime and I am looking forward to the next five.

I'll keep you posted. :)

Husbands

I was having a really rough day over this past weekend. was losing it probably because I was tired and that made me cranky but and not much fun to be around. So what does my husband do? Once the baby was asleep he pulled me into the living room, laid me on the floor, and proceeded to give me a full back massage, including butt and legs.

What a guy!

I am so glad that husband are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church and not to treat us the way we deserve to be treated. And I am pretty sure if the church were a person Jesus would definitely give that person a message to bring them out of their grumpy mood!

Car

So we have been operating with one car for awhile now and it has its pluses and minuses.

Pluses:

Being nice to the environment by sparing it one less car emitting pollution

Spending less money

realizing that I almost always use the car to go places then require me to spend money

Getting super excited when I do decide to take Shaun (the husband) to work so we (me and the baby) can have the car

Getting good exercise and time outdoors by walking to the store

Minuses:

being drenched in sweat, getting heat stroke, and wanting to pass out because we walked to the store! (it pretty toasty here in the summer)

Sometimes going well, a little crazy . . .
(that will happen when you spend all day with an infant in a condo that has less then 800 square feet)

Today was one of those super exciting days when I got to hang out in SLO. I dropped Shaun at work and drove down town. Of course Aubrey had just fallen asleep and normally I feel guilty and don't want to wake her by stopping the car but not today baby! Today was our day in SLO. So I pulled the baby out of her comfy seat and tossed her in the ergo and off we went.
(Side note: I had no idea what I was doing when I bought my baby carrier and I feel for the ergo because it was made from organic fibers and looked so hip and hippy. And before I knew it I had bought a very expensive baby carrier where the baby can only face inward and of course I have a baby who loves to face outwards! To solve this for the time being I just put her in standing up facing out. It works fine for now because she is small and doesn't mind having her feet squished. Bless her heart)

I was excited to get a Starbucks latte, because I had a gift certificate, but that was about all I had planned. There was another Mom in there with a cute little girl all wrapped up in a moby style carrie. We made eye contact like Mom's do and smiled and that was it. I grabbed my drink and headed out to enjoy my morning down town. It is rare that I am downtown now so I had no idea what to do next! I zig zagged in front on Starbucks for a bit changing my mind about where to head next when the Mom I saw before called out to me from her table and asked if I was just hanging out. Apparently I looked as lost as I felt. lol I said yes and she invited me over to sit with her.

We talked for about an hour and she turned out to be this great woman and we had a ton in common, granted we have only talked about our kids so far but as I'm sure you know opinion about child rearing can vary quit a bit! I got her number and am looking forward to calling her.

The reason I am writing about this is because it was a big deal for me. It is hard for me to justify going to SLO and today I just felt like we made the right decision. It was one of those days when I felt like I was really making the decision that God wanted me to. I just felt on. I didn't go back in forth about whether I should go to SLO and drive Shaun and myself crazy. I am really good at that by the way. I'm talking real natural talent.

So back to the one car subject. Turns out today having one car was a blessing. I got a latte, had a great conversation, meet a potential friend, snuggled with my baby, bought a new shirt, and got to feel like I was living this day in sink with God!

I'm off to pick up the hubby and go to Farmers Market. What a great end to a fantastic day.

Then there were two . . .

We are without the baby for two whole days. I meet up with my Mom yesterday half way between our two houses and we swapped. I gave her our only off spring in return for some pots. I'm starting to wonder is the trade was all the fair.

So besides doing some planting in my new pots I have a whole lot of free time on my hands. And let me tell you, it feels good. At first I had no idea what to do with my self. Everything I used to do seems frivolous and silly and well it all is compared to raising another human being! I'm going to need to let that comparison go or else I'll not do a single thing this weekend.

We did come up with a few things that sound pretty good though

Sleep in (the husband is doing that right now)
Got to the Beach
Play a game of Tennis
Pet the Cat (who is sorely under loved since the baby came along)
Eat Out (a very yummy idea)

I miss her like crazy but I know how good it is for us to get these days to renew our strength. Having kids changes your life forever no doubt about it. So I am taking this weekend to turn back the clock. Travel back in time to the summer before we were married. When we were young and had no real responsibilities. We are going to rock this weekend like it is 2006!

And take some good naps in between . . . :)

Love

All of those Mom's out there know what it is like to be woken out of a tasty midnight slumber by the cries of a little baby. Depending on where she catches me in my sleep cycle I feel differently about having to wake up and tend to her. Buy last night made all the interrupted snoozies worth while.

I went into her room and lifted her out of her crib to feed her. She was so tried and all she wanted was to eat and go back to sleep. When she was all done I just held her a bit as she slept on my chest. It was one of those profound moment in my relationship with her where I really felt like she needed me. It was pretty magical. I love knowing that when it come down to it, I am all she needs right now. I got the food, I got the love, and I am pretty dang entertaining to a four month old.

All in all, life is good.

In The Beginning . . .

So I think I might be ready to tackle this whole blogging thing. A couple things have stopped me in the past.

the fist being lack of time: Becoming a stay at home Mom to an infant took care of that one!

the second: being a little weirded out by stranger knowing the usually some what private inner workings of my mind

the third: feeling that the private inner working of my mind might not be ready for blog prime time

I'm still feeling a little "iffy" about the second two road blocks but after some encouragement from my favorite partner in crime (rachel) I am ready to give it a shot!

I suppose I should use this first post introduce myself and my mission:

I'm a wife and a mom and a follower of God.

Yep . . . right now those are pretty much the three big things that define me and consume a lot of my time at the moment. lol I'm trying to figure out how to fill all these roles more beautifully, gracefully, and completely every day. My hope is that this blog will help me do that and will also bless some other people along the way.